An Eternity Between the Cracks 03.2

Chapter three has been difficult. I haven't really visualized any of the events in here beforehand and this chapter's subplot took me a bit by surprise. Hopefully it's fun for others to read.
http://pokegirls.org/storyboard-listing/424-zypheit/an-eternity-between-the-cracks/2442-an-eternity-between-the-cracks-03-2.html

I would appreciate it if any thoughts or questions were shared. My review thread can be found here:
https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/pokegirlspokecenter/reviews-for-zypheit-t746.html#p13244